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Mindfulness, connectedness, filing.
Been thinking about lots of stuff lately, in a kind of back-way…trying and succeeding in getting my act together lately, thanks mostly to medications and also some little helpful mantras that I find myself using a lot. “You choose the behavior, you choose the consequences”. “Do what you are doing”. “Act with intention” (these last two comes in especially handy in the kitchen!).

I’ve also been thinking a lot about the idea of “connecting” to aspects of your life. I mean, I will go weeks and realize I haven’t really paid attention to some role, or some outside thing that needs tending just as a garden would. Now if you know me you know that I am practical to the point of appearing superficial, and maybe I am, but at any rate, a lot of this stuff is just really basic shit that rolls along, involves you, and can really screw you up if you don’t make the effort to do a check-in at regular intervals.

Things like food. Finances. Mail. Laundry. Serious but mundane stuff like taxes, and less mundane issues like connecting with a friend or family member. Also, paying attention to the different aspects of your business when you are your own boss…it’s really critical to have those roles and responsibilities written down somewhere and really get at the essence of what it represents.

Maybe this stuff is easy and ingrained in some people, but as someone with ADD who has only recently been diagnosed and gotten on medications, it’s a whole new world, and gives me a more philosophical way of coming at it because of its newness.

For me it’s always so easy to drop out. Even with medication I need to consciously think to myself every day “ok, who are you, who and what is depending on you?”. It’s hard because I work at home so I have to consciously create the sense of “stuff going on”, and also continuity, that usually comes when you work outside the home. That continuity thing is really hard, so I am trying to journal a little every day in my calendar on basic happenings…if I can only remember to look at the damn thing every day!

So today, in preparation to catch up on some tax stuff (which I am so, so unspeakably happy to be finally nearing some closure on) I completely sorted two big baskets of papers that have been sitting around and I have been adding to for about two months now. I didn’t want to miss anything that might pertain to the taxes by trying to dig through them so I figured I would just do it all the way and know for sure that I had uncovered every stone. Fortunately most of it is just stuff to file, and for which I already have designated files for, so that’s nice. I may go ahead and file that stuff instead of leaving it stacked because it probably won’t take more than a half hour and will keep me from continuing to have to pick it up and move it or whatever.

I’m so very tired of procrastinating.

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I felt I had been unjustly punished (I pushed someone back who had pushed me, I was punished they were not) and I would not stop screaming and banging on things. They called my mom to get me, expelled me, and the next stop was a child shrink. They diagnosed me ADHD (this had to be 1972ish) and said I could not attend normal school. My mom reacted with a screw and a U, and fell for the magic of "low sugar diet," which of course has subsequently been totally debunked.

i was just going through my old posts and just reread this...good for your mom for being like that!

i love that even back then you were really into ethics!

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